For the past two years, I’ve chosen a theme for the year based on what I believe God is working on in my life. This year, my theme is “Choose Your Own Adventure,” so when I was brainstorming names for my blog, I wanted to include something about adventure. But I also like alliteration and nothing was coming together. “Adventure” made me think of the late 1800s → pith helmets → Indiana Jones → the 1920s → societies and clubs. I liked “Society,” but what kind?
Well, I’m at an age where I thought I would be married by now, with a few kids. And in recent years, I’ve become much more aware of how never-married, or late-married, individuals are portrayed in our culture. I’ve overheard conversations that, while not intended as a put-down of me, made me feel like I was lacking in some way.
- A sitcom has only to say, “He lives with his mother” to automatically imply he has no girlfriend, is a nerd, geek, socially awkward, a loser, and/or a stoner;
- A couple may be waiting to start their family and friends/relatives might say, “Well, they shouldn’t wait too long, she’s almost 30!” (When I’m over here pushing 40!);
- If a person reaches a certain age and has never married, there MUST be a reason. It MUST mean they’re either a closeted homosexual, they’re unattractive, have a bad personality, or are otherwise unsuitable (of course, this would never be said to your face!).
And the comments from friends and family — “I found the love of my life once I stopped looking,” or “You just need to put yourself out there,” or “Have you tried online dating?” — while well-intentioned, are not very helpful.
It’s not that I’m bitter about still being single. In fact, if not for societal pressure/attitudes, and if I thought I could support myself, and had a close community of friends, I think I could be content being single. Would I prefer to be married? Yes, absolutely! But I no longer view the single life as something to dread.
However, I’ve felt like for most of my adult life I’ve been waiting for my life to start. I was never career-minded so, essentially, I figured that once I got married, that’s when I would be on the right track. But that implies that if I’m not married, my life has no meaning. And I know that’s not true! Because this is my current state, I knew I wanted my blog to have the name “Singles Society.” But, again, what kind?
A couple of months ago, a co-worker called me “sassy.” I guess because I can be sarcastic, wry, and quippy. So, when I was trying to find an adjective for my blog, I googled “sassy” and the definition was “lively, bold, and full of spirit; cheeky.”
That is how I want to live, whether single or married! I don’t want to wait on something that may never happen. I want to step out, take risks, live boldly, be full of spirit, and full of the Holy Spirit! Hence, “The Sassy Singles Society.”
My hope is that at least one person who is discouraged by their single state will read my blog and be reminded that there is so much more to life than our marital status. Our identity is not in our jobs, our pasts, or our spouses. Our identity is in Christ! And what a tragedy it would be if we lived our whole lives waiting for one thing, when God has called us to something else. Maybe it truly is something we could only do as a single person.
“God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God’s refusals are always merciful — “severe mercies” at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.”
~ Elisabeth Elliot
Or maybe you’re not single, but life hasn’t turned out the way you expected. Perhaps, most days, you’re completely fine with that, but there may be days where you get stuck in a circle of doubt and what-ifs. If that’s the case, I hope you, too, will be encouraged by my blog.
Because no matter where we are in life, or where we are on our faith journey, we can all use a reminder that we do not have to go it alone. We do not have to go through it fearful, timid, or somber, wondering “is this it?!” We do not have to put our lives on hold, waiting for something that may or may not ever happen.
Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t wait upon the Lord, or that we should charge ahead with what we think is best — our “Plan B.” But if we loosen our grip on our wants, desires, and plans, and give them to the Lord, we may find that he has something completely different in store for us. And it will most definitely be better than what we could have imagined!
So, today I choose to be sassy. Some days may be much, much harder than others, but I will continue to trust God’s plan for my life and, hopefully, encourage others to do the same.
“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.” ~ Proverbs 19:21 (NLT)
““My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” ~ Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)